beyoncescock:

me whenever i check my back account

snorlaxatives:

@ people who just leave their shopping carts around the parking lot instead of returning them to their designated return areas: who fuckin raised you

robynsfentys:

the fact that my eyes don’t glow when i’m at my strongest is unacceptable and not on brand

traitorous-bastard:

its-going-down:

meckamecha:

daily-bad-jokes:

daily-bad-jokes:

occasionally the universe orders one of its many snipers to fire a warning shot at me. not to cause any (physical) harm, mind you. they’re just reminders that the universe hates me and could snuff out my puny little life anytime it wishes.

today that warning shot came in the form of my microwave burrito being completely empty. no filling. just tortilla.

how can you look at this and still believe the world is kind and just

It has filling. The filling is more tortilla

argentuums:

me crawling through any ancient ruin or dungeon in any video game ever: who lit these candles

tokoshi:

me laying in bed on my phone, needing to pee for the past half hour with my phone on 2%

trevenant:

I just started taking iron the other day, and turns out? I’ve never had energy before, in my life, until now